Applying for this job, I went in thinking I can change this company’s image, I can draw it up as a success, I can bring it to its full potential and myself along with it. Hired as the only marketing effort in that organization, my excitement was child like and refreshing, my ambition seemed endless to me and those around me. Although marketing was never my interest, I had the faith that I was creative and resourceful enough to pull it off, and apparently, so did my employers.

Though a desk job was slightly hard to cope with, with its strict hours and lack of self expression, I took it as a challenge and intricately began my revamping efforts, a new logo, new colors, new slogans, created mission and vision statements, contacted potential clients, set up presentations, designed presentation templates and even new business cards. I felt like I was on a roll, like I was on top of the world. It was every first timer’s typical rush.

Shortly, tasks were consumed and to-do lists were checked off and I was left with the same desk only no work on it. My employers increasingly delegated secretarial work and I was left with no choice but to finish it. Perhaps I finished it a bit earlier than they anticipated but I finished it, and this time around was left with really, nothing to do at all. So, with the same refreshing rush I tried to hold on to so desperately, I wrote up proposals, negotiated offers, suggested new projects, and was met every time with an encouraging sincere “we’ll see what we can do about that”. I had realized that the rush was just about exhausted.

For the remaining 4 months I was stuck behind my desk everyday, from nine to five, memorizing the reflections on my laptop screen. With three hours added to that in my car, driving to and fro, I was slowly falling victim to a corporate world I wasn’t ready to be part of, and believe to never will be. The job paid well, for a fresh graduate, it paid very well. The status; well I couldn’t complain, I was only 22 and already my business card read ‘Business Development Specialist, Marketing’, the business card I so proudly designed myself. Financial comfort and a satisfying status and I would still avoid the question of what it is exactly that I do. The money was not enough to replace my self fulfillment or the esteem that got so miserably shot. I was just about ready to do anything to get the two back.

With several false promises made to me, my employers had left on a business trip and were gone for what would be my last month with the company. I had made the decision to value my creativity, my self expression, and my self respect over the big check, the new laptop, and the comfortable leather chair. With plenty of advice to do otherwise, I quit. I had learnt my lesson. Yes I was creative, but creativity needs a venue to be expressed. I was a hard worker but I needed some work first. I was making money but losing my mind.

I guess If I could go back, I would do it all again, without changing a thing.